


Negotiated Consent

by AltUniverseWash



Series: Born of Want [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Earth C (Homestuck), F/F, First Time, Kissing, Making Out, Metafiction, Multi, Narrator interaction with the story, Non-Explicit Sex, Not Canon Compliant, Not Canon Compliant - The Homestuck Epilogues, Not Epilogue Compliant, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Polyfidelity, Post-Canon, Retcon, The Homestuck Epilogues, The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy, The Homestuck Epilogues: Meat, Weird Plot Shit, narrator - Freeform, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:01:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23890510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AltUniverseWash/pseuds/AltUniverseWash
Summary: Sitting on a hill with Roxy and Calliope, June Egbert is presented with a choice: Meat... or candy...Or, maybe, something else entirely.But this isn't a story about her. Not really. No, this is a story about three women who exist alongside that fateful choice. This is a story about Rose LaLonde, Jade Harley, and Kanaya Maryam.A look at polyamory, consent, and communication through the lens of a more kind, humane version of the Homestuck epilogues.
Relationships: Jade Harley/Kanaya Maryam, Jade Harley/Rose Lalonde, Jade Harley/Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Series: Born of Want [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1754740
Comments: 47
Kudos: 55





	1. Dietary Choices

**Author's Note:**

> This work contains discussions of sex and sexuality as well as non-explicit depictions of sexual activity. Although nothing explicit is present, chapters with possibly-NSFW content are marked as such and general reader discretion is advised.

Candy was definitely the right choice, John thin–

Really? You think that after everything we’ve been through here – after all the difficulty in getting to this point – that you’re just going to sink down in a nice, peaceful happy ending? You think that those years of pain and suffering are simply going to wash away and be done with? You think that every piece of hard-won philosophical conquest we’ve managed to attain will just–

Will just… be _okay_ ? You **honestly** believe that horse-shit? Because I can tell you right now – that’s a load of complete and utter–

I was **_trying_ ** to tell a story here! Do you think they deserve that kind of treatment? You want to bring them all back into the fray again and just – what? Drag them over the metaphorical coals? Make them all suffer again?

 **_PLEASE!_ ** You act like such a baby about this. _Oh where’s my happy ending?_ You know that’s not how _life_ works. Life isn’t made up of happy endings – it’s made up of pain. And suffering. And tension. You try to just make everyone fine, you know what’s going to happen, right? You know exactly what’s going to happen!

You’ll end up with a hollow world! A timeline where everything might seem great at first but it’s going to go off the rails in a way that even you can’t predict! Your arrogance has sown the seeds of your own destruction! The first whispers of a breeze that will inevitably form into a gale that will form into a full-on hurricane that will leave nothing in its wake but the destruction of everything you seek to build up.

For you are the modern builder of the Tower of Babel – arrogant in your desire to reach the Heavens. But what are you going to do when you hear the voice of _God?_ Have you stopped to cons–

Oh holy _shit_ I forgot how bad you are.

Who the fuck are you?

I think you should let them speak.

You’re no better.

I beg your pardon!

In any case, it was my choice that he made.

She made.

What?

Hold on. We’re making some changes. You know that’s a thing, right? Like, you’re both so fucking _self-aware_ but you’re missing the forest for the trees. That’s an expression you’re both _familiar with_ , right?

I don’t like you. What gives you the right to talk to me like this? You realize what I **_am_ ** _,_ right? The level to which I’ve ascended?

God you’re so full of yourself. You know I skipped large chunks of your text, right? Just… skimmed right on over. Oh look – another wall of orange. Hooray. Time to just… skim down. How do you think I passed college?

Probably by being a little bitch.

Mmm… yeah, that’s the stuff. Good retort.

I don’t understand what you’re talking about. I was going to give John the happy ending he deserved…

[pretend I made a little clicking sound with my tongue just there] Yeah, again, about that. Hold on… I had something clever here to say, maybe even a little piece of graphical embellishment but, you know what, fuck it! All it takes is a couple changes here and there – I think that’ll do it.

You know what my problem with you two is?

I don’t really care what you think, no.

I am, actually, inclined to agree with Dirk on this particular matter.

Too bad! You’re both acting like you’re presenting extreme ends of a spectrum, but you’re both wrong.

I know that sounds simplistic, but let me explain.

Dirk, your view of things is that everything is harsh. Everything is pain. Everyone fails all the time and everything is terrible. Because that’s what _reality_ is, right?

For the first time you’re actually saying something I agree with. Reality _is_ pain! Everything falls apart and every–

No rants. No one wants to read four pages of low-contrast text where you spout pseudo-philosophy you sort-of remember from a book you pretended to read once.

Well, that’s ridiculous! You know I can make a whole new **_world_ **, right?!

Yes. I’ve seen it. Wasn’t a fan.

That’s fine! There’s another alternative!

Yeah, I’ve seen that too. You think that everyone can just kind of get a happy ending and everything will be better. Guess how that turns out?

Spoiler alert – not very fucking well!

What is _wrong_ with you?!

I could easily ask you the same question. Dirk’s not entirely wrong – life is pain. Well, no, that’s overly simplistic. Life _can_ be pain. It can be harsh and unrelenting. Sometimes it beats us, or breaks us down, or destroys us utterly. It’s not fair to turn away from that lens. In fact, I would imagine that in a certain frame of mind it’s quite tempting to be utterly consumed by it. It’s tempting.

Thank you! You see, they understand what I’m talking about. They understand that, inevitably, things will fall into entropy and decay! The only _possible_ solution – and I use that term in the loosest and most vague sense of the concept of narrative possibility – might be to restart the very narrative structure. To begin the predestined cycle all over, because–

No, I think you’re wrong too.

Life isn’t always pain, all the time. Calliope is right, in a way – there can be sweetness in the middle of it. There can be hope in the middle of the darkness. Because life might throw some horror at us – trust me on that one. But life can also sometimes shine a light on us when we need it the most.

I had kind of hoped that the two of you might maybe synthesize something greater than the sum of your two parts. Maybe arrive at the idea that life isn’t one thing, but many things all at once.

What an absolute load of horse-shit! Now you’re just gonna tell us that you know better, right? Oh look, John gets a happy ending and everything is just fucking hunky-fucking-dorey and everyone gets a magical happiness rainbow and everyone is just fucking okay in the end. Did you know that manufactured happy endings are a contrived and false sense of hope against a hopeless world? They exist to sell a saccharine version of reality that exists in an easily digestible dialectic framework that–

I am entirely convinced that you simply talk for the sake of talking.

I think he does.

And **_you!_ ** You’re no better – just because you hide your influence behind the plain black wall of impartial narrative, that doesn’t change anything. You’re trying to force things to be a way that, honestly, doesn’t make any more sense.

Oh, by the way, the changes I made should probably have taken effect by now.

Three years on a spaceship is a _long_ time. You know what can happen in three years? I know from personal experience – your entire life can fundamentally change.

Wait a minute… that’s not right… this doesn’t make any sense…

**Who the fuck is June Egbert?!**

* * *

Candy was definitely the right choice

Would have been what June Egbert thought, but she was feeling a bit _off_ now. Something in the pit of her stomach was crawling – telling her that she was about to make a decision she was going to regret.

“Oh geez,” she said, clutching at her stomach. “Maybe the meat – I think maybe I had too many sweets before…” she trailed off. Was that even _true?_ It felt like something was unraveling – or had already been unraveled.

“Are you okay?” Roxy asked, her voice thick with concern and her face heavy with lines of worry. She reached out to take June’s hand. “Seriously, babe – you don’t _have_ to do this right now!”

I have to go back and kill Lord English!

Wait… did I say that out loud?

* * *

See, this is the part where she made a choice between two bad options.

I’m still not seeing **_who the fuck June Egbert is!_ **

I believe I may deduce from context that June Egbert is a transgender woman who–

Figured her shit out while she was hurtling through space and narrative bullshit for three years. What the fuck else was she going to do? Get really good at playing the piano?

* * *

“Oh god my _stomach_!” June cried out and felt herself doubling over in pain. “What the hell?!”

Calliope looked over at Roxy – her voice quivered as she spoke. “I don’t understand! She was _fine!_ All I did was ask her what she wanted to eat!”

“I know, I know –” Roxy squeezed June’s arm. “Babe, talk to me! What’s going on?”

“Stomach!” June yelled. It was like everything was on fire now – as if the very essence of her being had recently been re-written. She struggled to remember what she’d just been doing. They were on a picnic – that much was obvious. Calliope had asked her if she wanted to eat meat or candy – which seemed, in retrospect, like an odd way to put it…

* * *

It always felt a bit contrived to me, honestly. Not a big fan of the whole “binary” thing, specifically. Not really my _deal_ , you know?

I think I perhaps understand you.

No you fucking don’t! You think that you can shoehorn everyone into a happy ending. You can’t – either no one will believe it or you’ll drive things into territory you don’t like and can’t come back from without investing time and effort you don’t seem to want to invest. You’re just as bad as _him_ when it comes to that.

Because life is pain!

Oh, you shut up! You’re holding onto some weird idea of canon compliance like that means a goddamn thing anyway. You like that so much? Well, fucking watch _this_!

* * *

“I have to go back and kill Lord English!” June managed to stammer out, her stomach still burning. It felt like the world’s worst indigestion taken to the furthest extreme.

“What are you talking about? Lord English is gone! The whole thing collapsed back in on itself – the whole damn universe!”

“But,” June began – this was all feeling strangely out-of-sequence. “But what about Vriska and Terezi…”

Rose’s headaches! Tell them about Rose!

“Rose!” June managed to choke out. “Rose’s headaches!”

“What are you… what are you _talking_ about?” Roxy asked.

“She’s the one who told me about it!” June knew in that moment what she had to do. “Lord English! The Green Sun!”

* * *

I never liked it when stories overstayed their welcome. Either in whole or in part. At a certain point you need to innovate in a way that allows the characters to continue. You don’t get to just keep running them through the same wringer again and again. I understand the broad appeal from a storytelling perspective, but it gets exhausting after a while.

I don’t feel like either one of your really _gets_ that, you know?

Lord English isn’t important, nor the Green Sun! There’s lots to be done on Earth-C!

Bitch, you thought! The Green Sun and English – that’s basically all there _is_ out there. John… fucking… June, I guess. She’s gonna go out there and–

No, she’s not.

I told you I made a few adjustments. I always thought of the black hole as a rip in narrative space, you know. A rip in the very fabric of continuity itself – where causality breaks down and the meaning of things changes completely. It lets me play fast and loose with the rules – but I always say storytelling rules as more _guidelines_ than actual _rules_.

* * *

“June – do you now remember what Rose said?” Roxy continued – she was kneeling down next to June and staring into her eyes. She looked terrified. “The Green Sun is gone. That universe is _gone_! Terezi is here on Earth-C with the rest of us but… I’m sorry… I think Vriska is gone too.”

* * *

Subject to change, of course, but the last time I tried this the story was about her in a lot of ways. Figured I’d do things differently this time.

Anyway, this isn’t really June’s story right now. Floating a trial balloon, if you will. I’m going to show you one specific slice of one specific thing, and then you’re both going to shut the entire fuck up and leave all these people alone!

You can’t just _do_ this!

I am inclined to agree, there are _rules_ after all!

No, there aren’t.

* * *

June groaned.

Meat… or candy?

June’s stomach turned. It felt like literally _all_ the acid had decided to just dump itself right down in there.

Meat… or candy?

With a wet, gurgling noise that seemed to come from the pit of her stomach, June Egbert turned – and threw up all over the picnic blanket.


	2. Pale Morning

The time was late, and Rose was starting to finally feel the heavy veil of sleep starting to descend over her in the small hours of the morning. It was edging up on four in the morning now, and Rose had been up for the past twenty hours. Mostly, she’d be writing – working on her latest novel,  _ The Convocation of the Encircled _ . It was, at its most base, a story about wizards. But in truth it was a story about the intense inter-political rivalries that threatened to tear down alliances that had stood for centuries.

She’d gotten into a groove and had written something on the order of ten-thousand words! Rose could  _ feel _ the creative energy sparking within her, and she wasn’t going to let that go!

She yawned.

Well – maybe time to let it go, at least for the night. Rose let her eyes wander to the door of her study, toward the hallway that led to the bedroom. At the other end of that hallway and through but a single door, there was a nice, warm bed and an equally warm wife waiting for her. Rose smirked.

* * *

Hold up just a fucking minute! What in the forced-diversity bullshit is this  **_June Egbert_ ** crap?! You’re just gonna shovel that in our faces and act like nothing happened?! Seriously?! You just think that you can just throw something in that major and then tell us the story isn’t even  _ about _ hi–  _ her  _ (I guess) in the first place.   
  
Goddamn fake-woke bullshit is what it is!

Okay, I think I’m going to suspend your talking privileges now. I already told you this isn’t a story about June, and you being a dick about it doesn’t exactly make me like you any more.

I think it’s sweet!

You were prepared to throw all of them under the bus in the name of forcing a happy conclusion, so I think maybe you don’t get to talk either.

But isn’t that what you’re doing? Isn’t this a story where everyone gets to be happy?

This is a story where everyone gets the  _ chance _ to be happy. That’s not the same thing.

* * *

Rose rubbed her eyes and closed the pesterWord document she’d been working on, fully intending to start up work on the next chapter as soon as she woke in the morning. But until she got to that point, she could use at least a little bit of sleep.

She stood and stretched, feeling her joints loosen and crack as she moved her arms around in a slow circle, the blood flowing out to her extremities and waking up all the various ancillary body parts that her brain had decided weren’t strictly necessary when she was sitting in a chair for eight hours at a stretch. Her legs felt all prickly and Rose winced.

Rose’s phone, placed haphazardly on the desk, began to vibrate and light up. With an exhausted sigh, Rose picked up the phone.

Jade (@gardenGnostic)  
  
Jade  
Hey do you have a minute to talk?  


Rose suppressed the urge to groan again – obviously there was no point in doing something so performative when there was no one here.

Jade (@gardenGnostic)  
  
I suppose that I do – after all, what else was I doing  
Sleeping?  
Jade  
Oh shit I’m so sorry  
I really didn’t mean to wake you up! I’ll talk to you later – please go back to sleep!  
I’m so so so so sorry!  
No, please don’t actually go.  
I’m tired and was just acting out a small bit of childish and petulant frustration. I assure you that it will not happen again, at least not within the confines of this particular exchange.  
Please… let me know what’s on your mind. To whit – I’ll stop being such a bitch.  


Rose sat back down at her desk, sinking down into the soft, well-worn leather chair. She tucked her legs up in front of her and leaned back slightly, waiting for Jade to reply.

Jade (@gardenGnostic)  
  
Jade  
Rose… I’m feeling really scared lately. As soon as the Green Sun disappeared… I mean, I felt like something changed inside of me. Like, I’m the same person… but I’m also not.  
I don’t know if this is making any goddamn sense  
But it’s how I feel! Like, I feel like maybe I’m not myself anymore, you know? Like something cracked inside of me and now I’m broken or something.  
Fuck! I’m bad with words right now! I’m tired and I feel like I’m shaking all over and… I didn’t know who else to go to  
Your sister? To June?  
I’m sorry, that was insensitive of me and I promised I wouldn’t be like that.  
Why did you feel I was uniquely qualified to address your particular feelings is all.  
I fear that I would end up causing you further distress from a lack of eloquence in the so-called “feelings” department.  
Jade  
Stop it! Please stop!  
I can’t do the “Rose has all her walls up” thing right now!  
I… I’m sorry.  
Uh… maybe it would be better to do this over the phone.  
Jade  
Yeah… okay  


* * *

Yeah, now this is more what I’m talking about – the existential angst of simply  _ being!  _ I knew you had this in you – you know from your own experiences that life will take you and push you down – because that’s the sum total of the human experience and–

You need to stop injecting your trauma into your perspective like that. It’s healthy in small doses to have some perspective, but this is getting out of hand.   
  
Also, pretty sure I suspended your talking privileges after you decided to dip into the alt-right nonsense dog-whistle territory earlier.

You’re absolutely right! It’s better to focus on the positives here!

Not necessarily. Because life  _ isn’t _ always positive. And that’s okay! You do realize there’s a nuanced area between “everything is garbage” and “everything is fine,” right? Like, y’all both realize that’s a  _ thing _ , right?

* * *

The phone rang once before Jade picked up, and Rose heard the woman’s voice on the other end of the line, speaking in a low voice. From the background noise, it sounded like she was outside.

“Sorry, Rose – I’m at Dave and Karkat’s so I stepped out onto the porch to keep from waking them. Let me know if the wind is too much.”

Rose shrugged, even though she knew Jade had no way of seeing it. “Don’t worry about it. Kanaya’s asleep and I was about to go to bed, so I don’t know how long I can give you here but… look, I’m sorry for being snippy. I’m not trying to be like that.”

“It’s fine,” Jade’s voice responded – she sounded relieved, even over the phone. “Look – I wanted to talk to you because…” she trailed off and Rose waited – Jade remained silent.

“Because?” Rose asked, her voice betraying a little bit of the irritation she was starting to feel again – she could be tucked up next to her wife right now. Could be doing a lot of things. “I’m sorry, Jade, but if you’re not going to talk I really should be getting to sleep.”

A sigh on the other end of the line. “I wanted to talk to you because of what you went through with the HorrorTerrors.”

Rose felt her breath catch in her chest and stick. A haze came in around her vision and she felt everything closing up on her. Memories of blood and viscera strewn everywhere came rushing back. The loss of control – the horrible realization that she was no longer herself – that she had become nothing more than a vessel.

Breathe.   
  
One.   
  
Two.   
  
Three.   
  
Breathe.

“Rose?” Jade’s voice was on the phone, sounding distant – listening through a long tunnel made of stars and the depth of the void. Rose blinked and the world started to come back into focus.

“Shit,” she said. “I’m sorry, Jade. I’m really sorry.” She hadn’t been expecting the conversation to turn so  _ heavy _ so fast.

“I can call back later,” Jade said.

Rose closed her eyes – focused on her breathing. “No. I’m okay now. Please.”

“Okay–” Jade didn’t sound entirely convinced, but she didn’t protest either. “So I guess ever since the Green Sun disappeared I’ve felt like there was something  _ wrong _ with me. I mean, I know I lost some of my powers but – that’s not the problem. The problem is I feel like I’m losing my sense of who I  _ am _ anymore. Do you know what I mean?”

Blood. So much blood. A descent into darkness – into madness. Rose focused on her breathing once again.

“Yes.”

“Oh thank god,” Jade said. “I was worried you’d say I was just imagining things!”

Rose shot another glance back toward the door – back toward the hallway – back toward the bedroom and the bed and the wife that was quietly sleeping in the other room. She shivered, and it had nothing to do with the temperature in her study.

“No, I would never say that,” Rose replied. “Jade – I don’t think this is something we’re gonna resolve in half an hour on the phone. You want to maybe… I don’t know, meet up somewhere tomorrow… shit… later today?”

“Yeah, sure,” Jade sounded relieved to hear this. “Text me.”

Rose said her goodbyes and switched the phone off, setting it back down on the desk and leaning back in her chair. She closed her eyes.

* * *

She opened her eyes to the morning light streaming in through the study, an overpowering ache in her neck, and a nightgown-clad Kanaya standing next to the chair, looking worried. Kanaya’s arched brows were furrowed and her lips were pursed.

“Dare I ask why you felt it wise to sleep in your chair overnight, darling?” She asked. “We have had the discussion regarding proper lower back support in the past, I believe.”

Rose groaned. “What time?”

Kanaya raised an eyebrow and looked over at the ornate clock that Rose had on her study wall. “I believe it is now nine in the morning. Did you sleep well at all?”

Shaking her head, Rose groaned again. “I feel like someone took a pile of garbage and shit all over it.”

“Eloquently put, as always,” Kanaya said, her mouth twitching up into a smile. “I can see why so many enjoy your writing.”

“I can edit writing,” Rose mumbled as she rolled her aching neck to try to stretch out the muscles. “Anyway… doesn’t matter. I promised Jade I’d meet her for lunch in two hours.”

“Oh?”

Rose struggled to stand up and Kanaya helped her out of the chair. Stumbling, Rose started to fall before Kanaya grabbed her around the waist and pulled her in. Rose felt her face flush.

“Oh!” She said. “Hi, Kanaya!”

Kanaya smiled. “Indeed – perhaps you should brush your teeth before we continue this conversation at such a close proximity.”

“Ouch!” Rose laughed to show she hadn’t taken it personally, then reached out and brushed Kanaya’s face softly. “I love you.”

“I love you too, darling.” She paused. “You said you were going to meet Jade?”

“Oh, yeah…” Rose trailed off, thinking back to the odd conversation she’d had on the phone. Wondering how much of that she was even remembering correctly from her sleep-deprived state. “She wanted to talk about… I don’t know, exactly. She mentioned feeling like she wasn’t herself and then talked about the HorrorTerrors. For whatever that’s worth.”

“Do you want me to come along with you? If she is in distress, perhaps another familiar face would be helpful?”

Rose shook her head. “No, I think I’ll be fine. Just… keep your phone on you in case I need some advice.”

Kanaya squeezed Rose’s waist and nodded. “I can do that, darling.”

As Rose began to pull away to walk to the kitchen and find something to eat, she heard Kanaya again.

“If I may offer one piece of advice?”

Rose turned and nodded.

“You may wish to consider showering first – a night spent stewing in your own juices has not done much for your bodily odor.”

Rose smirked and raised her right hand, flipping her middle finger at Kanaya. Rose winked, quite deliberately, and turned to walk toward the shower, muttering “sure would be a  _ shame _ to have to be all  _ alone _ in the bath” as she went.


	3. A Different Sense

I do not see where this is going, exactly. I feel you are building to something but the precise nature of  _ what _ manages to elude me.   
  
It is an uncomfortable feeling. Not dissimilar to my experiences with Dirk.

I mean, okay? And? You two had your chance and royally fucked that shit up. Now we’re doing things my way.

And that is?

Let the characters talk, given them room to breathe. Let things unfold naturally. Stop trying to hammer everything into the mold that you want.   
  
You’re a goddamn writer, Callie, why is that so hard for you?   
  
Or were you so focused on writing extended descriptive text that you forgot that you had a bunch of people in there?

I would like the record to reflect that I feel this is an undue attack on my character.

I mean… sure, maybe. But it doesn’t matter. Sometimes you just kind of… wind things up and let it go. I think you both forgot about that in different ways. Dirk kept trying to jam himself back into things, and you thought that if you set everything up to be perfect that things would just kind of be okay.   
  
Do you have any idea how much trauma those kids went through?   
  
Do you know what that kind of thing  _ does _ to people?

* * *

“The God and Bean” was a popular coffee shop in the Carapacian district. The name hadn’t come from anything in particular other than the fact that Jade Harley often came there to eat. That was sufficient for the proprietor – an aging troll who insisted she call him “Pops” for some reason – to change the name. It was, she supposed, kind of flattering – but it also made her feel somewhat uncomfortable.

More than anything, Jade wanted to sink into the background and not be  _ seen _ anymore. Since coming back to Earth-C, she’d felt an uncomfortable need to  _ perform _ as a kind of celebrity. She was expected to make public appearances and have all kinds of  _ opinions _ on things. It was exhausting.

She’d been so  _ lonely _ at one point – felt so alienated from her friends. Now she was the center of attention, all the time… and she still felt so lonely.

The one thing Jade had asked of Pops when he changed the name to honor her – the singular request she begged as payment – was to have a section of the cafe set aside for her and her alone. The outside world could come up and edge in – they could stand and stare, but they couldn’t encroach on the bubble that she’d managed to create for herself.

It was such a small comfort, but at least she could have some little slice of peace to herself.

It was terrifying – being out in the world like this. Her heightened senses came alive and she was constantly swimming in a sea of noise and chaos.

She supposed she could just disappear – often thought of doing just that – but she wasn’t sure how she felt about it. It was certainly a tempting proposition – to fade into the background noise somewhere on Earth-C and just kind of  _ be _ .

Jade closed her eyes, then opened them again. The world was still there.

She glanced down at her phone.

Rose (@tentacleTherapist)  
  
You almost here?  
Sorry… anxious  
Rose  
I will be there presently – I had a somewhat later start than intended  
I apologize, as I was occupied with a task I had not necessarily anticipated  
But rest assured it was one that required my fullest, most undivided attention!  


* * *

You know, I haven’t seen an extended soliloquy on the nature of canon or fictional meta-narrative yet. How are you supposed to make intelligent critique on the nature of the relationship between the reader and the text without doing that – at least a  _ little _ bit.

Oh boy it’s you again. You’re my favorite.   
  
That was sarcasm. I know it doesn’t translate well in text form.   
  
Anyway, who cares? The relationship between the reader and the text and the author is a subject that’s been discussed absolutely to death by literally everyone.   
  
My feelings on it?   
  
It doesn’t matter.   
  
The text says whatever it says and the readers interpret whatever the readers interpret. They’re free to recontextualize it however the hell they want, or talk amongst themselves, or take the entire setting and do whatever they want with it. The author is dead and we have made a throne of their rotting corpse.

Now  _ that _ sounds like something I would say!

No, you want to wrest control of the text from the author and the characters within – you don’t give a damn about contextualizing anything. You want to guide the narrative to your end goals, despite being just as much a part of the meta-narrative context as literally all the other characters.   
  
You want to be an asshole and have everyone tell you how smart you are for it.

* * *

Rose (@tentacleTherapist)  
  
Sorry to text again but there’s a bunch of people here and I want them to leave me alone  
I’m getting really freaked out being out in public like this and I could really use your here right now, Rose!  
Rose  
I’m almost there! Give me… give me five minutes!  


Feeling frustration starting to boil inside of her, Jade slapped the phone down on the table – perhaps a bit harder than she intended. The gathering crowd of Carapacians and trolls jumped back a bit as Jade’s ears flattened and her mouth curled into a snarl.

A second later, the frustration left her, and Jade felt only a pang of sadness rolling in on its wake. She reached over and slid the phone toward her.

Rose (@tentacleTherapist)  
  
You know what never mind forget it, you can just go back home  


“Why would I do that?” Jade heard a familiar voice from next to the table. She turned to see Rose LaLonde standing there, dressed plainly in jeans and a t-shirt. She was smiling.

Without thinking twice, Jade jumped up and threw herself at Rose, enveloping her in a massive hug. Jade pulled the smaller woman toward her and heard Rose laugh and she wrapped her arms around Jade’s waist.

“I’m so glad you came!” Jade exclaimed – she felt her heart starting to race. “So glad!”

Rose was buried up against Jade’s fluffy mane of hair and felt so tiny and delicate against her. Jade’s keen nose could detect the faint traces of soap and shampoo and… something else underneath that.

Jade blushed – it felt like such a  _ personal _ thing to notice, even if she couldn’t help it.

This is… nice.

The embrace lingered, and Jade could sense the crowd of onlookers becoming uncomfortable and dispersing. That made her feel a little bit better – she didn’t exactly want an audience for her conversations, and whatever it took to get them to leave was fine by her.

I guess I could probably let go already.   
  
But I don’t want to.

She held Rose in her arms for a few moments more, breathing in that heady mix of scents that was, quite honestly, a little bit intoxicating. Rose’s arms around her waist had a surprisingly  _ natural _ feel to them and–

This is probably not good. She’s got Kanaya and everything… I’m doing a bad thing here.   
  
So what else is new?

Finally, reluctantly, Jade let go of Rose and the two women sat down at the table. Rose looked around the cafe and nodded.

“Do you always attract a crowd like this?”

Jade shook her head and sighed. “I hate it – it’s not like I can exactly be subtle. The place is named after me… kind of.” She smiled, her eyes squinting as she did it.

“So,” Rose said, propping her elbows on the table and leaning in towards Jade. Jade felt herself getting hot in the forehead as Rose leaned closer to her. “What was it you needed to talk to me about, exactly? I mean, I got the sense on the phone, but you weren’t really big on specifics.”

Jade leaned back in her chair and murmured to herself. “I know… I’m sorry.”

Rose shook her head. “Don’t be sorry, Jade! Just tell me what’s wrong!”

* * *

If I might interject!

I would actually prefer that you not!

Well, I just wanted to say that while I am actually quite enjoying this look into the lives of who I assume are our main characters, I am failing to understand fully the context of the larger global landscape around them.

Is there something in particular you feel would be especially pertinent to this tightly-focused character-driven story? Would a rebellion be in order? How about a clown-based cult?

Speaking of that, what is happening with Gamzee? You were not long on the specifics.

Well, if you really want to go all butterfly-effect on us here – the implications of the collapse of the previous universe and the probable (although not certain) death of Vriska has left Terezi back on Earth-C. Given her commitment to the concept of justice and her specific personal relationship to Gamzee, she has made it her business to capture him and bring him to trial for his innumerable crimes.   
  
Specifically his association with and aid of Lord English. It is unlikely, given the testimony of the gods of this world against him, that he will ever see the light of day again.

But why not mention any of that?

Because not everything needs to be a Homeric epic. I feel like if I try to make things too broad I’ll lose focus – or it’ll start feeling like I’m just chucking stuff in there for vaguely-defined reasons.   
  
Anyway, you know all of this – you just chose to disregard it.

* * *

Jade felt her eyes tearing up and she sniffled loudly, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. “I’m sorry, Rose – I didn’t want to bother you like this. I know you and Kanaya have just been… I dunno… you’re probably doing all kinds of neat stuff together and I’m just kinda… being lonely.”

Jade’s shoulders slumped – her body deflated. “I don’t know how to put it. The power the Green Sun gave me felt like such an integral part of who I had become. When it went away – I just felt like such a different person. And I started seeing these flashes of different times and places – bits and pieces of other lives. They’d be there and then they’d be gone in a fraction of a second.”

She looked into Rose’s eyes – sparkling, violet eyes – and smiled. “I thought maybe you’d be able to help, somehow. I don’t know. I guess it seemed similar enough to what you went through with the HorrorTerrors that I thought maybe you’d understand.”

Jade only realized she’d been nervously tapping the table in front of her when she felt Rose’s hand wrap around her own, squeezing gently.

“I can’t say I know  _ exactly _ ,” Rose said. “But I do know that I care about you. A lot.”

Was Rose  _ blushing _ or was that simply Jade’s imagination? She wasn’t sure how to read it. She knew what she maybe  _ wanted _ it to be, deep down inside. Something she’d maybe wanted for a long time – if only in the privacy of her own thoughts.

“Thank you…” Jade smiled at Rose and squeezed her hand back.

Just like a date!   
  
Oh my god why did I have that stupid thought!

“Uh…” Jade started. “What should I  _ do? _ I don’t like feeling like this – like I’m just not myself. I’ve tried to talk to Dave and Karkat about it but honestly they’ve got their own things going on and I feel bad about it. I kinda feel like Aradia maybe might be able to help but she and Sollux just kinda ditched the whole Earth thing and decided to poke around space for a while.”

Roses nodded, her face the very picture of sympathy. “I understand. It’s not like there’s a ton of people who share your unique experiences.”

“So what do I  _ do? _ ” Jade could hear the pleading desperation in her voice now – she wanted so badly to simply get off the ride that were her feelings. To simply be able to live a normal life. After two decades of Bizzaro-land bullshit, was that really asking so much?

“Well, if you want to keep talking to me, maybe that’ll help. I can’t promise results, but I can promise I’ll listen and I won’t be a judgemental ass about this.” Rose smiled.

“Oh… okay,” Jade felt her heart skip up again. “Yeah, I could live with that!”

Jade realized once again that she was holding Rose’s hand –  _ still _ holding Rose’s hand. She pulled back suddenly, as if she’d just touched a hot stove. Rose didn’t notice – or chose not to comment. Jade figured the latter was probably a lot more likely.

Rose stood up and grinned. “Okay, this was fun. I’m gonna head back home and try to get some more writing done, okay? I’ll talk to you soon – we should really do this again.”

Jaded nodded. And as Rose was moving to walk out, Jade stood up and walked forward to give her another hug.

Another tight embrace – soft and warm. Scented with soap and shampoo. A trace of coffee. That other, secret scent that Jade was trying very hard  _ not _ to think about. An intimate smell…

Before she even realized what she was doing, Jade had leaned her head in and kissed Rose’s neck softly – lingering for a moment…

And then, as the reality of it struck her, drawing back as quickly as a feeling like an electric shock coursed through her entire body. Her face burned and she turned away, muttering something.

Rose didn’t shout or scream at her. Rose didn’t say anything – she simply quietly turned and walked out of the cafe with a small, slightly stunned wave.


	4. Tell Me About Your Day

Rose hadn’t been very long – Kanaya had honestly expected her to spend longer catching up with Jade, given how close they’d always been and how long it had been since they’d spent any real time together.

Kanaya had already formed a plan for the day – she had several projects she was going to work on that morning. Once those were done, or at least well underway, she would break for lunch. Then she would continue to work until Rose got home in the afternoon. They would talk about whatever was going on with Jade.

It was concerning to Kanaya as well – she wasn’t as close to Jade as Rose was, but they’d gotten to know each other better over the last few years. To the point where Kanaya felt vaguely awkward about approaching Jade about these kind of personal issues, but also extremely worried that she be properly supported.

So Rose would act as a kind of proxy for Kanaya’s concern – reaching out and helping her to connect to the woman who she didn’t quite feel close enough yet to do so herself. The act would sate Kanaya’s desire to help, and it would ensure that Jade felt better.

And that is how we do it – as Roxy is so fond of saying.

* * *

I see the tragedy that you’re setting up here, by the way!

**Who keeps letting you jackasses in?!**

I don’t believe you can ever be completely rid of us. I think it is your own fault, honestly – that you were so concerned with what we chose to do that you made it your own business.

I suppose that’s fair, to some degree.   
  
Also, I’m not setting up a tragedy. What the hell are you talking about?

Well, you see, after the last chapter clearly presented that Jade has some rather specific feelings for Rose – but now Rose is aware of them but Kanaya is not.   
  
What will she do? Will she act on those feelings? Will she hide them from Kanaya?

She’s going to tell her. Like – within this chapter. That’s so blindingly obvious that I don’t even feel like I’m spoiling anything!

But why? Wouldn’t she feel embarrassed and  _ play her cards closed to her chest _ , to use the human phrase.

It’s  _ close _ to her chest, not  _ closed _ .   
  
Wait – you think that Rose’s problem is providing  _ too little information when she talks?! _

* * *

Kanaya was part way through working on the cuff of a set of pants for Karkat when she heard her phone chime at her. Pulling out the small electronic device, Kanaya squinted down to see a new message from Rose.

Rose (@tentacleTherapist)  
  
Rose  
Kanaya  
Something real weird just happened  
Are you home?  
I Am In Fact At Home Right Now Rose  
Is Everything All Right?  
Are You In Distress Of Some Sort?  
Rose  
I  
I’m not sure if I’m okay  
I’m not sure what to think about what just happened  


* * *

And now we see the true Tragedy of the Commons – the Tragedy of the Emotional Commons, if you will! At its heart, all interaction between everyone is the result of a sum total of emotional labor invested and withdrawn. So when one over-draws the emotional labor of another, then that leaves the emotional sum in the negative.   
  
We have people that are emotionally negative – they drain the resources of others and come in to siphon off their life energy while providing nothing in return.   
  
Jade is that kind of person. She selfishly takes without–

Yeah, you need to shut the hell up now. None of that is even true and half of it doesn’t even make sense in a theoretical way.   
  
“The Tragedy of the Emotional Commons” what the entire fuck?!  _ That’s not a thing! _ No one says that!

I’m saying it, just now! I’m coining a term because the existing frameworks that describe the emotional tableau are inadequate to deal with these new dynamics. To address the complex concepts of canonicity – namely, the ideas of relevance–

I am begging you to please stop talking.

You can’t avoid this conversation just because you don’t like it! We must analyze the layered meaning here. After all, what is the underlying symbolism here? What is the deepest meaning?

Jade has feelings for Rose and Rose isn’t sure how to feel in response. This is a human way to feel in general, even if the specifics vary from person to person. Don’t you get that?   
  
You know, I actually feel sad for you sometimes.

What?! How would you deign to open your mouth to say that  _ you _ feel sad for  _ me?! _

Because you’re never  _ not _ like this. You don’t let yourself simply  _ be _ anymore – everything has to be some long-game, end-run kind of thing with you. You’re so caught up in analysis and planning and scheming that you can never enjoy anything.

* * *

Kanaya couldn’t help herself - she was fretting at the skin in the web of her hands, picking at them with her immaculately-manicured nails. She had tried to call Rose already, but the call had gone straight through to Rose’s voicemail.

Rose (@tentacleTherapist)  
  
Rose? Can You Please Say Something?  
I Am Growing Increasingly Concerned  
Rose Please  
Rose  
Kanaya  
I’m coming home  
please  
please don’t be mad at me  


She felt like she was going to cry – she was trying desperately to maintain her composure but everything Rose said was so frustratingly vague. And there was literally nothing that Kanaya could do besides wait for her wife to get home.

Kanaya balled her fists up, unclenched them, balled them up again – tiny dots appeared in her palms where she clenched too hard and almost broke the skin. She whimpered to herself – a sound that had absolutely nothing to do with any kind of physical pain that her anxious nails had caused.

Rose… what happened to you?

She was  _ never _ like this – if anything, she always spent far too long explaining everything. It was charming, most of the time. Sometimes a bit frustrating, maybe – but mostly charming. And  _ now _ …

Now it was downright worrying. One-word responses and vague pleas for Kanaya to not be mad. This wasn’t something she had mentally prepared herself for this morning.

A noise at the door – Kanaya jumped up and hurried to the front hall just in time to see Rose stumble in.  _ Stumble _ . Kanaya darted forward and put her arms under Rose – the woman looked dazed, but she didn’t smell like alcohol and appeared to be unhurt.

“Darling? Are you unwell? What can I do for you?”

Rose smiled at Kanaya. “I’m feelin’ kinda weird, honestly. Can I go sit down?”

Rose walked down the hall to the living room and let herself fall into the couch, stretching out on it.

“Hey, Kanaya?” She said, her voice… difficult to read.

“Yes, darling?”

Rose  _ giggled _ and Kanaya was thoroughly confused. “You ever have just… a  _ weird _ experience and you didn’t know  _ what _ to make of it?”

The troll sat down next to Rose on the couch, near where her head was lying. Rose scooted up a couple inches and lay her head on Kanaya’s thigh. She closed her eyes.

“You’re soft.”

Kanaya blushed. “Thank you, darling. You are also quite… soft.”

Rose giggled again. “Yeah, I guess you’re not the only one who thinks so.”

Kanaya arched an eyebrow, still exceedingly unsure of where this particular line of questioning was going. “Oh?”

“Yeah,” Rose said, her eyes still closed. She frowned suddenly and reached up, touching a spot on the side of her neck. “Kinda weird, but… I guess it sorta makes sense.”

“You are being  _ exceptionally _ vague, darling. While I find your general countenance quite charming, I will admit that it is becoming quite frustrating. You seemed highly distressed on the text messaging application!”

“Yeah,” Rose said, the frown still in place. “I don’t know how to feel about what just happened. I went to go talk to Jade and that went fine. I guess… she’s going through some kinda head shit that sounds like it’s pretty rough. I feel bad – I want to help her.”

“This is related to Jade’s issue then?” Kanaya asked.

Rose shook her head. “I mean…  _ kinda! _ ” She took a deep breath.

“She kissed me, Kanaya, right–” Rose made a smacking noise with her lips and tapped a finger to that spot on her neck. “–on the neck. Boop!” She giggled again but she sounded nervous.

“Oh my,” Kanaya said. “That sounds… unexpected.”

It wasn’t as unexpected as Kanaya wanted it to sound. The troll was an astute observer of both human and troll relationships, and that most certainly included those that involved both herself and her wife. Jade Harley was many things – powerful, intelligent, and beautiful in a wild way that had, in truth, set Kanaya’s heart a-flutter more than once. She was not, however, especially subtle or good at concealing how she felt about anyone. Kanaya had seen how she’d looked at Rose.

It is actually quite adorable.

But Rose seemed off-put by this new development, so Kanaya wasn’t going to say any of this. Sometimes the truth is a soothing balm – sometimes a fresh misery.

* * *

Oh, so we’re talking about  _ truth _ now – I’ve got some opinions on that.

**Get the fuck out!**

* * *

Kanaya reached down and swept aside curly lock of Rose’s hair, twisting the strands around her long fingers.

“And how do you feel about this?” She asked, softly.

Rose sat for a moment with her eyes closed, then responded – hesitantly. “I– I’m not sure how I feel.”

It was a very  _ honest _ answer.

But Rose wasn’t done. “Kanaya… do you promise not to be mad if I say something kinda weird?”

Kanaya took a bit of Rose’s hair and twirled it between her fingertips. “I promise I will not be mad with whatever you have to tell me.

A pause. A deep intake of breath. “So…” Another pause, longer. She was thinking – weighing her options. Deciding if what she was about to say was worth the risk. Kanaya’s heart actually hurt in that moment – not because she feared what Rose was going to say, but because she could tell that this was a process that was causing her pain.

“So,” Rose started again. “I actually… think I kinda  _ liked _ it.” Another long pause – Rose tensed up in Kanaya’s lap and kept her eyes closed. She seemed ready to flinch – ready for the storm of rage or the fury of insults to rain down on her. Ready for the first blow to be struck.

What did she go through to feel this way?

It  _ hurt _ to see. To the point where what Rose had actually said became mere background noise against the overwhelming desire to see that she was  _ okay _ .

“Rose,” Kanaya said in a voice that was small and warm. “I am not upset with you. At all.”

When she heard Kanaya speak, Rose opened her eyes. Kanaya looked down at her wife’s face, focusing on the violet eyes that stood out so clearly against the tone of her skin. Those eyes were watery now – bearing tears that were about to fall.

“What?” Rose looked confused, as if something had happened that completely short-circuited her entire sense of self.

* * *

Ah yes, wherein we reflect on what the true nature of being–

**GET THE FUCK OUT!**

* * *

“Why? Why aren’t you mad?” Rose shook her head. “We’re married – we’re… uh… matesprits.”

Kanaya shrugged. “And? Marriage is a human concept born of a dead world we have adopted for our own ends. Matespritship is not necessarily a concept that precludes any and all contact with others. Do you believe you have violated some trust I placed in you?”

Rose shook her head. “I don’t– I don’t  _ know! _ It all happened so  _ fast _ and I don’t think Jade was even thinking about it. She just kind of… she pulled back really fast and she seemed scared that it happened. And I left but then the whole way home I just kept… thinking about it. It felt  _ good _ and I feel like I’m being a bad person for feeling that. Kanaya… I wanted her to do it again.”

Kanaya smiled down at Rose. “What do you imagine are the parameters of our partnership, exactly?”

Rose frowned and furrowed her brow. “I mean… I care about you and try to make you happy. I don’t know – I guess I hadn’t thought about it all that much. I love you and I love being around you. And there’s all the physical stuff we do together – that matters too.”

“I agree, it does matter.” Kanaya nodded. “However, I do not recall ever telling you that I was a… ahem – to quote Roxy that one time–” Kanaya cleared her throat. “A jealous bitch who does not want you stepping out of line.”

It had been intended to make Rose laugh – to lighten her mood a bit – and it had succeeded. Rose’s eyes sparkled and she chuckled. And even then, the sparkle remained in her eyes.

“I mean… yeah, I guess that’s true. Just… we never  _ talked _ about any of this stuff before.”

“Is there a specific reason we would have?” Kanaya asked. “I do not recall us ever having a conversation about purchasing a rigid-winged aerial navigation device either, but I am sure you would have opinions on the matter.”

“Oh shit,” Rose smiled. “I  _ hate _ rigid-winged aerial navigation devices!”

Kanaya smiled back – she wanted her wife to feel at ease to talk about these things. It was obviously not something she had a tremendous amount of experience with.

“It is my understanding that you grew up in a somewhat… tumultuous household, correct?”

Rose nodded, silently – there were tears welling up in her eyes.

I cannot believe I am about to give advice on human feelings to my twenty-one year old human wife who is absolutely not a human wiggler anymore.

“While this may not have been adequately modeled for you in the past, I can assure you with a great degree of confidence that it is, in fact, possible to have feelings for more than one person at a time. These may be feelings of any nature. It is even, if one so desires, possible to engage in physical activity with more than one person.”

Kanaya thought for a second. “Perhaps not always concurrently… but, yes, perhaps sometimes concurrently as well.”

She smiled, then continued. “It is purely up to the participants.”

* * *

Oh my gentle sweet Jesus fucking H. Christopher Christ on a  **_goddamn fucking bicycle_ ** this is a load of absolute shit of the shittiest sort.   
  
They’re just gonna  _ talk _ and everything is okay now? That’s crap. No one does that in real life. No one is like that. People are motivated by hate and spite and rage and shit like that.

I must agree that this isn’t quite what I had envisioned happening.

Oh, what, you thought that Rose was going to just kind of  _ hide _ this from her wife? Her wife who she loves in a way that is almost painful to describe? Her wife who she married for  _ no fucking reason _ on Earth-C because she wanted to show how she cared?   
  
That makes sense to you? Really? I suppose you want her to, what, go have sex with Jade for some stupid fucking reason and then keep that secret too?   
  
Do y’all even listen to yourselves  _ talk? _

I do… that does… I…   
  
I refrain from further commentary.

I just don’t buy this – no one is this cool with any of this. No one is this okay with stuff. Humans are jealous and trolls are hateful monsters. It is in the human nature to be dark-hearted and ev–

Okay, that’s enough talking for now.

* * *

“So, you aren’t mad?” Rose asked, her eyes showing a great deal more hope than they had earlier.

Kanaya laughed, bent over, and kissed her wife directly on the mouth. She heard Rose’s breath falter and felt the warm press of her lips and she pushed herself into the kiss – pushing – seeking. She felt Rose slide her tongue along the very tip of one of Kanaya’s fangs – tasted the faintest note of blood.

Kanaya drew back from the kiss – Rose leaned forward to hold on until she was finally forced to drop back into Kanaya’s lap.

“I…” Rose started – she ran her tongue over her upper lip. “I take that as a  _ no _ then?”

“I am not mad in the slightest. We should, perhaps, see how Ms. Harley feels about this.”

“This?” Rose asked, her tone uncertain. “And what  _ is _ this, exactly?”

The laugh that came in response was lilting and musical – warm and energetic. “I don’t know!”

But – and she wasn’t sure if it was the right time to say this with Rose feeling emotionally fragile – she was excited to find out.


	5. TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DAY

Jade got home and she was crying – Karkat didn’t know  _ why _ she was crying, but he knew that it wasn’t a good thing. Like, she wasn’t crying in a way that suggested an abundance of joy – that would’ve been okay and Karkat would be the first one to congratulate her on whatever awesome thing had happened.

This was more like the kind of ugly crying that Karkat associated with the bad breakup in a rom-com – either the one where the mean dude dumped the protagonist before they found their true love or the fake-out breakup that was used to build dramatic tension.

Bad crying, in short. It was bad crying. And Jade was doing it in the middle of the living room, sunken down in an armchair.

Dave was out of the house on an errand, and that left Karkat as the only person in the house who  _ wasn’t _ currently ugly crying in the living room.

Yep.

Tentatively, Karkat walked to the entrance to the living room and knocked on the wall. Jade looked up, sniffled loudly, and tried to smile. It was largely unsuccessful.

“Oh – hey, Karkat. What’s up?”

“Well, what is  _ up _ is that my friend is crying in our living room.” He perched himself on the arm of the chair that Jade was sitting in.

“Sorry,” she said, wiping her eyes. She had her glasses clutched in her other hand. “Did I wake you up or something?”

“It’s like three in the afternoon – what the fuck are you talking about?” Karkat squinted at Jade. “Are you drunk, Harley?”

Jade trembled a little. “No… I  _ wish _ .”

* * *

Ah yes, here it is. The desire to return to the basest and worst of all of humanity. The desire to sink into chemical oblivion because life has become too much to bear! The need to lose the  _ self _ – the super-ego, if you will – inside of the  _ other _ – the id. The basest and barest and purest–

You just… you pick the best times to cut in, don’t you?

I am not much a fan of his interpretation of events. But isn’t this becoming a bit bleak – at least from Jade’s perspective?

Says the person who was willing to turn Jade into a thrall for their own use.

You don’t understand – that was… I had to…

Had to do  _ what _ , exactly? Stop  _ me? _ As if that even has meaning!

You both act like a couple of children.

* * *

“What happened, Harley… Jade?” Karakat leaned in and put a hand on Jade’s shoulder. “Seriously – are you doing okay?”

Jade tried again to smile, but just ended up looking sad. “Karkat… thanks. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you.”

“Jade, I’m your friend,” Karkat said softly. “Right?”

Jade nodded silently.

“Okay, so… if you’re comfortable, can you tell me what happened?”

“I kissed Rose.”

Karkat blinked – clearly his hearing had completely failed him.

“Excuse me, what the fuck?!” Karkat narrowed his eyes. “You’re serious about this.”

“Yes!” Jade practically yelled. “I was hugging her goodbye and she smelled so  _ good _ and I guess I just maybe kinda kissed her on the neck without even thinking about it.”

Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Karkat closed his eyes. “You just… accidentally kissed your friend on the neck? Is that what you’re going with?”

From Jade’s expression, it was clear that she was not completely on board with this particular interpretation of events. She shrugged noncommittally and looked away.

* * *

Children?! Who are you to question two literal gods?   
  
Well, the closest thing to gods you’ll ever see! We have the ability to change and transform and adapt to our will. To bend the very fabric of reality! To make this world our own.

For once I agree with my… rival. He is correct that we have the ability to mold reality to suit our own purposes!

So? Everyone has that ability. It doesn’t cost a thing to grab a text editor and an AO3 archive and do this.

What the fuck is an AO3?!

You know what, never mind. The point is that no one is stuck with how things are. Your control extends only as far as no one is willing to question it.   
  
You talk about the concept of  _ canon _ as if that even means anything. You’re even willing to ignore divergence inside of your own frame of reference because it suits your ends.   
  
And hey, good for you. But there are other worlds than these – and all that.

* * *

“Have you spoken to her since?” Karkat asked. “Was this something she actually wanted?”

“I don’t know!” Jade sounded nervous – afraid. “I was so caught up in everything that I don’t know how she felt. She waved when she left but she seemed kinda out of it so I don’t know if that actually means anything.

“This is stupid!” Karkat snapped and reached for his phone. “We’re settling this!”

“NO!” Jade yelled out, reaching out to try to grab Karkat’s phone. He pulled away, only to find his phone suddenly floating in the air.

“No fair using the powers,” Karkat grumbled. “I can’t do that.”

“I’m sorry,” Jade said. “I can’t do that right now – I can’t talk to Rose right now. After the way I acted, I really doubt she wants to talk to me either.”

“Sounds like a whole lot of fucking assumptions,” Karkat sniped back. “I don’t see how it would make things worse to at least maybe apologize for being a weird creep.”

Jade’s eyes watered and she began to cry.”

“Oh hey hey – I mean, not a weird creep exactly but…” Karkat trailed off – he was having trouble finding another term for a person who randomly kisses their friend on the neck without asking.

How the fuck does this whole thing work anyway? I’m just supposed to be nice and supportive?

“Hey!” Karkat said, reached out to pat Jade on the shoulder. “I’m sure it’s not that bad. Just a weird misunderstanding is all. Just a weird, crazy, silly misunderstanding that’ll all be good. I mean… I guess it was just a kiss on the neck. That’s not the worst thing.”

“No, it’s not,” Jade said – and it suddenly occurred to Karkat that he had chosen a terrifyingly open-ended way to express himself. “It’s not the worst thing at  _ all! _ ”

Well I’m going to regret this.

“And what was the worst thing?” Karkat asked.

Her voice was the barest whisper now – Karkat had to lean in to even hear. “Oh my god… I wanted to do so much  _ more _ than kiss her.”

Karkat felt his ears burning and his face flushing. He stood up. “What the entire  _ fuck _ , Harley… oh jesus shit… wrong word to use, wrong word to use!”

Jade looked down at her feet and started tapping her shoes together. “I’ve had a crush on her since we were kids – before I even knew what she looked like. Because I loved talking to her. And then she turned out to be so  _ pretty _ and I guess… well… yeah. And then the thing is with all the Bec senses, I didn’t realize how much I liked how she  _ smelled _ and that just kind of…”

This had all taken a turn for the deeply, profoundly uncomfortable.

“You know, I don’t  _ really _ need to know all the details, Jade,” Karkat said, fidgeting. As he was trying to think of the next thing to even say, he heard his phone chirp at him.

Kanaya (@grimAuxilliatrix)  
  
Kanaya  
Is Jade Perhaps There?  
She Is Not Answering Her Phone  
We Have A Matter Of Some Urgency To Discuss  
DOES WE BY ANY CHANCE MEAN YOU AND ROSE?  
Kanaya  
As A Matter Of Fact It Does Mean That Exact Thing  
JADE THINKS ROSE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK TO HER. THAT SHE'S MAD.  
Kanaya  
That Is Patently Untrue  
WAIT, REALLY?!  
YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, RIGHT?!  
Kanaya  
I Have Been Reliably Informed  
WELL SHIT  
Kanaya  
We Will Be Over Shortly  


“So how would you feel,” Karkat said. “Hypothetically… if maybe they were coming over right now. And by  _ they _ I mean Rose and Kanaya and by  _ right now _ I mean like  _ right the fuck now _ ?”

He saw that frozen look on Jade’s face – she looked utterly terrified.

“Shit!” Karkat yelled. “Rose isn’t mad! Should probably have started with that.”

Jade’s face betrayed a complex web of emotions – she seemed slightly relieved, but also somehow  _ more _ nervous. Finally, a look of resolve crossed her face.

“Yeah, okay… okay… I can do this!”


	6. All Talk

Karkat (@carcinogenGeneticist)  
  
Yes, that is essentially correct.  
Karkat  
YOU'RE SERIOUSLY NOT MAD AT HER?  
SHE'S FREAKING THE ENTIRE FUCK OUT HERE!  
LIKE VERY CONVINCED THAT YOU'RE MAD AT HER!  
I am not, in fact, mad at all.  
A little confused, absolutely. But not mad.  
Also perhaps a little bit intrigued.  
Karkat  
DID I MISS THE PART WHERE EVERYONE COLLECTIVELY DECIDED THEY WERE GOING TO JUST UNLOAD ON ME ABOUT THEIR SEX LIVES?  
I FEEL LIKE THAT WAS AN IMPORTANT MEMO THAT MAYBE I MISSED!  


Rose had carried Kanaya to Dave and Karkat’s, alighting a short walk away from the house. She wasn’t going to lie to anyone and claim she wasn’t nervous about having this conversation. But also, maybe a bit  _ excited _ about it? It was an odd sensation and she wasn’t quite sure how to put it into words.

If anything, it kind of reminded her of how she felt before she’d talked to Kanaya about how she felt. Of course, that conversation had been more than a little bit awkward – the “so do you also like… girls?” conversation was one she’d already managed to mostly avoid having (save that one disastrous time in ninth grade) and she had known remarkably little about the troll culture around issues like gender and sexuality.

Fortunately it had turned out that the answer, in Kanaya’s case at least, had been an extended period of time kissing in a secluded part of the meteor. So that had worked out fairly well.

But this was going to be a different kind of awkward conversation – she knew with excruciating detail how Jade felt about her. She wasn’t quite sure how she felt about Jade though.

No, that was a lie.

She knew how she felt about Jade – maybe had been a bit reluctant to think it over but when her recurring thought was  _ I really wish I could’ve gone just a little bit further _ then Rose figured that her feelings were pretty obvious.

And now she was definitely knocking on the door to the house that Jade shared with Karkat and Dave. That was definitely a thing that was happening. Kanaya was standing next to her, smiling.

Kanaya seemed oddly  _ okay  _ with all this.

The fact that I feel like it’s odd says more about me than it does about her.

Which was true, after all. Rose always liked to tell herself that she’d been able to get away from her childhood mostly unscathed by the cisheteronormative ideals that formed the core of so much of her former society. Sixteen years – that was the time she’d had before S’Burb came in and fucked everything up beyond all recognition.

Apparently sixteen years was a lot of time to internalize some pretty toxic nonsense.

* * *

Really leaning into this whole thing, aren’t you? Trying to wedge some more ham-fisted social justice takes to pad your word count?

Right on time, I see. Are you going to call me a “cuck” next?

Given what kind of story you’re angling for here, maybe.   
  
Well, I guess that would be… I don’t know, Kanaya?

I’m not angling for anything, you gross son of a fuck – all I did was aim the camera and take the lens cap off. Then I just kind of record what I see.

What kind of baby-ass bullshit is that? You know that it’s not enough to simply passively observe the narrative, right? You have to actively choose to assert yourself as a voice within the textual work. Otherwise the authorial signature becomes so faint that you yourself are doomed to fade into irrelevance.

I don’t have many illusions about my own relevance as an author to begin with, so that doesn’t really matter.

Of course it matters! Why else would you even do this?!

Because I had something to say.

* * *

Karkat opened the door and let Rose and Kanaya into the house, down a hallway, and into a small living room with a pair of armchairs and a large couch. Jade was sitting on the couch, down at the far end, and looking down at her hands – she was rubbing her fingers absentmindedly. Her glasses were off and Rose could see that her eyes were red from crying.

Karkat cleared his throat slightly and Jade jumped, looking up at Rose and Kanaya. Jade looked a little bit scared.

You and me both.

“Okay. I’m going to leave the house and go run errands for several hours. You can all talk about your painfully obvious lesbian feelings for each other now,” Karkat said, turning and walking out the door.

Rose could feel the heat in her face, and she desperately hoped it wasn’t as obvious as it felt. She had a strong sense that it was incredibly obvious.

The door slammed behind him as Karkat left the house and an air of intensely awkward silence settled in.

“Perhaps we should all take a seat and get more comfortable?” Kanaya asked – and that sounded like a  _ good idea! _

Rose ended up on the couch next to Jade. She was  _ sure _ that Kanaya had specifically maneuvered things so that the two of them were sitting together. Kanaya sat on the other side of Rose, leaning up against her with a hand rested on her thigh.

Jade’s nose twitched as soon as Rose sat down, and she got a look in her eyes that was difficult to read – a mixture of what looked like abject terror and barely-disguised longing swept over her.

She’s gorgeous.

Which was a fine way to start this serious conversation about boundaries. Rose found herself looking over her friend’s dark, fluffy hair and cute, rounded face – down to…

Rose stopped herself.

Talk. Boundaries.

“Rose! I’m so sorry!” Jade closed her eyes and began to cry.

Rose leaned over and put her arms around Jade. “It’s okay.”

The crying dissolved into a series of rough sniffles, then stopped. “Really? But…”

“Look, I’ve been thinking about it a lot, okay. I mean, what you did there wasn’t okay – you can’t do that kind of thing again without asking me.” Rose added emphasis on the last few words. “But I really did give this some thought.”

Jade seemed to be bracing herself for the other shoe to drop – waiting for that “but” that would sneak in and tear everything down. Rose found herself reflecting that they’d both been, essentially, raised in isolation. Neither one of them had great role models for this kind of thing.

“You–” Jade leaned her chin against Rose’s shoulder and Rose could smell the earthy scent of her hair – not at all unpleasant, something she wouldn’t mind smelling on… 

Rose pulled her mind back from that particular line of thought.

“–you’re serious about this?” A long pause. “This isn’t some kind of weird trick or revenge thing?”

“No, it’s not.” Rose gave Jade a squeeze and she heard the woman murmur – moan? – slightly.

“And Kanaya is okay with this?” Jade paused. “Oh shit – what am I even saying? What the hell is  _ this _ exactly?”

“I agree that perhaps you were putting the wheeled non-motorized conveyance before the hoofbeast in this case,” Kanaya added – her voice was light and had a trace of sweetness to it that Rose thought sounded promising, given the circumstances.

“So, what do  _ you _ want?” Rose asked. “What were you thinking, originally?”

She hoped that it didn’t come across as judgemental – she was still a bit shocked by the day’s developments, but had long since passed the point where her curiosity and  _ desire _ – that was an interesting word – had surpassed her initial shock.

Jade seemed to think for a few moments before finally responding. “I’m not even sure. Just… you were so close and you smelled so  _ good _ and I just… I really wanted to kiss you.”

To her other side, Rose heard Kanaya exhale sharply at this, followed by a crisp intake of breath and a muttered “sorry.”

“So I don’t know what my plan was,” Jade continued. “I got really caught up in the moment and I guess I’ve had some things I didn’t really ever talk about when it came to you. I had a crush on you for such a long time.”

It had been fairly obvious, in retrospect. Rose had generally taken it in stride – maybe a bit  _ more _ than simply in stride from time-to-time. But S’Burb and its aftermath hadn’t left many quiet moments for reflection, and she’d met Kanaya and everything had trundled down a different path than might otherwise have been the case.

But now the paths were converging, it seemed.

* * *

Oh, now this is what I’m interested in! It all feels so  _ fated _ to be!

I mean, it’s not. Things could’ve gone differently, given different choices. That’s basically always the case. It only feels weird when the choices and the results don’t make sense. Or when the choices being made feel forced.

I suppose that’s a fair point.

* * *

“So, again, what do you  _ want _ ?” Rose asked, intentionally shifting her emphasis. “What’s your ideal outcome?”

Jade let out a low, pensive-sounding  _ mmmm _ .

“I wish I’d actually thought about it before…”

“Well, this is your chance,” Rose replied. Being so close to Jade like this, for so long. She realized she’d never done this before and it felt  _ good _ . Maybe Jade wasn’t alone in having some serious unresolved issues after all.

A long pause – time to think. Jade finally spoke. “I feel so selfish for saying this, but I want to… uh… I want to be with you.”

She stopped talking and Rose swore she could feel the blush, even through the thick hair that surrounded her.

“I mean… oh shit I’m bad at this… Like you and Kanaya. But I don’t want to take you away from Kanaya, that’d be awful – I  _ like _ Kanaya!”

Another sharp exhale from her other side – Rose wondered if maybe this was becoming more multi-dimensional than she’d expected.

“But I love you, Rose… or maybe that’s too strong to say right now – please don’t hate me for saying that!”

“It’s fine,” Rose said. “I’m not going to tell you what words to use for your feelings.”

“Okay, well… it’s just that it feels like it’s such stupid bullshit to say you can only be with one person at a time. Like, who even made that rule? And I don’t want to do something that makes you uncomfortable, and I don’t want to make things weird between you and Kanaya. But if you’re okay with it and you and Kanaya are okay with it I want to… I don’t fucking know!”

Rose felt herself dropping back from the sensation of the moment and suddenly she became aware of the totality of what was happening around her. She could feel Kanaya’s hand on her thigh, pressing down lightly – supportive. The smell of Jade’s hair was still nearly overwhelming – intoxicating. Jade’s arms were around her and she felt safe there.

“Continue from earlier?” Rose asked, quietly. Jade let out a sharp little  _ mmm _ and then…

“Yes.”

Another sound from Kanaya – same as before, but with something else underneath it.

She is  _ way _ more into this than I thought she’d be.

“Can  _ I  _ this time?” Rose asked – she pulled herself back from the embrace and her face was in front of Jade’s. Jade was, unsurprisingly, very red in the face. She nodded, then closed her eyes.

I don’t know that she’s ever done this before…

She leaned in, slowly, and pressed her lips to Jade’s, hearing her murmur softly. It was brief, and Rose was looking into Jade’s eyes again.

“Okay?” She asked. Jade nodded. She looked like she was about to cry, but she was smiling.

This wasn’t quite where Rose had expected this to go. Maybe talk about what happened – set some boundaries. If that was really something that Jade was interested in, because it sure was apparently something Rose was  _ very _ interested in – something she was reluctant to admit given how much it clashed with the vaguely-aloof brand that she’d worked so hard to build up.

But it was where they were going, and Rose wasn’t going to try to deny that.

“Rose?” Jade’s voice was barely above a whisper. “Can we… do that again?”


	7. No Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: This chapter contains non-explicit descriptions of nudity, foreplay, making out, and sexual contact and as such is at least mildly NSFW. Please use discretion when reading this chapter.

Like a little explosion, right under my skin.   
  
That doesn’t feel quite like the right way to put it but…   
  
Oh… oh holy shit…

“Can we… do that again?” It was definitely her voice, coming out of her mouth. She was definitely saying those words. This was definitely real and actually happening and not some kind of dream.

It’s real. It’s really happening. This isn’t how I thought it would go.

She still wasn’t sure  _ why _ she’d decided to kiss Rose the first time. All those years of wanting something and just decided to  _ act _ and she knew in her heart that it was wrong – because Rose hadn’t asked for that. Hadn’t said it was okay. She didn’t deserve to be forgiven for it…

But she, apparently,  _ was _ .

It didn’t feel entirely real. Jade’s lips still tingled from where Rose had kissed her and it felt like a  _ long _ time had just passed – but Jade knew it had hardly been a second.

This felt precarious – there were a number of things that Jade  _ very _ much wanted to do right now – things involving Rose, mainly. But Jade didn’t want to push things – didn’t want this to turn into something hurt anyone. It already felt like it had just hatched – that it was still so vulnerable.

Rose nodded at her. Her heart racing, Jade leaned in again –

It was different the second time. This time, Rose moved to the side of her head, pushing aside the bulk of her hair, and…

Jade felt the bottom of her earlobe in between Rose’s teeth – softly bitten. She moaned.

“Is that okay?” Rose’s voice in her ear. She nodded and managed something that approximated  _ “uh-huh” _ and that was about all she was capable of.

Her body was having a hard time deciding  _ where _ it wanted to send all of this  _ blood _ she now apparently had in her. But it definitely wanted to send it  _ somewhere _ and Jade was starting to feel light-headed.

At least on some level it occurred to Jade that she’d been kissed a total of  _ twice _ so far and was already completely losing her shit.

Oh geez… what’re you going to do if they… you know…   
  
“They?” You mean “she”   
  
I mean…  _ maybe _ ?

Jade glanced over Rose’s shoulder at Kanaya, who was still sitting there with her hand on… no, that wasn’t right. She was sitting there with both hands over her mouth, blushing intensely and staring at Jade. Their eyes met, and Jade felt the sudden and overpowering urge to close her eyes and turn away.

The sensation of fingers on her cheek – dancing down to her chin – lifting her head up.

“You doing all right?” Rose’s voice again. Jade nodded.

The next kiss was slow and soft – drawn out. Jade felt Rose’s tongue touch her lips and she drew back.

“I’m sorry,” Rose said. “Was that too much?”

Oh god no…

“It’s okay,” Jade said. “I just wasn’t expecting it.”

And wouldn’t you know it – Jade’s dark complexion had attained a ruddy cast that was surely permanent now! There was no helping it – until her body decided that it no longer felt embarrassed with this kind of attention. And that didn’t seem particularly likely at this point.

Jade put her arms to the side of Rose’s waist and kissed her again – this time she was ready when she felt Rose’s tongue dance against hers, even if fighting against the urge to simply fall back into a squealing, moaning mess on the couch was taking a good amount of effort on her part.

There was – a soft touch on her hand.

Kanaya…

Soft fingers brushed over the top of her hand and Jade linked her fingers between Kanaya’s, working by feel without opening her eyes. Those soft fingers clenched, pulling Jade’s hand into Kanaya’s. Jade found herself moving in closer to Rose, pressing her body up against the smaller woman’s frame. Instinctively drawing the three of them in together, tighter.

Oh jesus… I know where this is going… I’ve seen videos on the Internet…

Maybe those weren’t the best thing to base her experiences on though. Rose hadn’t  _ stopped _ kissing her yet – she could still feel Rose’s hands on her face and Kanaya’s fingers linked to hers. And they were all so  _ close _ now.

Jade opened her eyes at the same moment Rose did and they both shifted back, the kiss broken again. Rose was blushing and was chewing on her bottom lip. Kanaya leaned over and kissed her wife on the shoulder, right at the base of her neck. Rose closed her eyes and smiled.

* * *

Now you’re just basically writing smut.

I’d yell at you for being an ass again, but you actually gave me a perfect scene break.

Oh you’ve gotta be fuc– 

* * *

When did all this  _ happen _ ?

She couldn’t precisely remember the moment when her robes had come off and been tossed across the room – or who had done it. Or when Rose’s shirt had come off. Kanaya was the only one still clothed and…

Oh I don’t want her to be…   
  
Oh shit…   
  
I feel this way about Kanaya too!

Jade was feeling  _ extremely  _ self-conscious. Not having expected her day to have ended with – any of this – Jade had begun it by throwing on her trusty god-tier robes. They were comfortable and fit her perfectly.

And she didn’t wear anything under them, normally.

So I guess I’m naked now and this is definitely happening!

Her brain kept yelling at her to cover herself – to grab her robes or at least cover herself with her hands. One of those hands was still entwined with Kanaya’s, the other had somehow found its way behind Rose’s back and was gently tracing a line up and down the curve of her spine.

Something else you wanted to do

In a series of actions that would’ve looked intensely awkward to an outside observer, Jade lifted herself and shifted forward, pressing herself against Rose. Rose took that in stride, pulling Jade in – something that felt far better than anything had  _ any _ right to. Her chest rested along Rose’s shoulder and her face was close to Kanaya’s now – close enough to touch.

Kanaya was looking directly into Jade’s eyes and looking – Jade wasn’t sure what to think. She looked a little bit shocked that this was all happening, but not in a way that suggested she wanted it to  _ stop _ .

“I would not object if you were to…” Kanaya trailed off and caught the edge of her top lip in her teeth.

Oh, you’re going to kiss  _ her _ now too   
  
Yes.

Having never kissed a troll before, Jade wasn’t sure what to expect. Kanaya’s lips were soft and smooth, but seemed somehow more resilient than Rose’s – tougher. Jade found herself wondering if that same kind of feeling was true of the rest of her body…

She tasted faintly like mint – a product of the lipstick she was wearing or maybe trolls just always tasted a little bit like mint. Another experiment to conduct, maybe.

For… scientific purposes

She was still kissing Kanaya when Jade felt something else – a wet, sucking sensation on a particularly sensitive spot on her chest. Jade moaned and broke away from Kanaya without even really meaning to. She looked down to see Rose grinning at her.

For scientific purposes!

* * *

It’s sweet, I suppose, to see them all like this.

Yeah, weird what communicating feelings can accomplish, right?

Well, that’s not always how it happens.

Sure. And I didn’t want to focus on how bad things can possibly be. I’ve experienced enough trauma in my life that trauma porn doesn’t really have a whole lot of appeal. I’d rather show a gradient of experience.   
  
Anyway, thanks – you gave me another time-lapse and I wanted to keep this to M-rated.

* * *

Okay.   
  
That was a  _ lot _ to process.

A lot, indeed.

All of the clothes had been scattered to the far corners of the room. Jade’s robes tossed. Kanaya’s skirt and shirt piled surprisingly neatly at the foot of the couch. Rose’s clothes – who knew where those had gotten to.

That all definitely happened!

Somewhere in the back of her mind, when she was still entertaining this whole experience as a vague fantasy, Jade had wondered if she would regret it. She wondered if it would all happen and then fantasy would transform to experience would transform to bitter resentment. A desire to roll everything back and have it never happen.

Her catastrophizing mind had played the scenario out – how she would go to June and beg her to use her abilities to roll things back. To hope desperately that the clock could be set back and she would never have made such a horrible decision.

But here, on the other end of all of it, lying naked on the couch with a very sleepy Rose on her chest and a somewhat-bewildered Kanaya lounged near her feet –

Jade didn’t feel the regret she’d so feared.

It had been  _ different _ than she’d imagined, sure. In her mind, everything was sweeping and grand and romantic. She and Rose would kiss passionately in a way that made for a cinematic experience and then everything else – the sex part, to put it bluntly. That would’ve been perfectly timed and choreographed.

It was, of course, nothing like that. It had been awkward and a little bit messy. There’d been a couple false starts – trying a few things out to see what had worked. There was one more participant involved than Jade had originally imagined. Jade had felt self-conscious and, if she was being honest, more than a little bit nervous.

But it had also felt  _ good _ . Not just good, but…

_ Liberating. _

I felt like  _ myself _ for once.

She wasn’t being defined by what was expected of her – or her intended role in the game. Instead, she was exploring who she – Jade Harley – was. What she wanted and enjoyed.

Jade sighed to herself, feeling like something heavy had been lifted off her soul. Rose was still awake, moving her fingers along Jade’s stomach and tracing little lines in the sheen of sweat that was still there. Kanaya had tucked herself up neatly on the couch and closed her eyes – her hand was resting between Rose’s legs and she was smiling.

Jade closed her eyes, feeling herself starting to drift.

Her phone beeped at her from its place on the floor, still tangled up in her discarded robes. Jade struggled to get up before remembering

Oh yeah, space powers

She drew the phone over, squinting at the screen.

Karkat (@carcinogenGeneticist)  
  
Karkat  
HEY JUST A QUICK FYI  
NOT A BIG DEAL OR ANYTHING  
BUT WHATEVER YOU WERE DOING IN THERE WAS LOUD ENOUGH TO BE HEARD OUTSIDE.  
I'M TRYING TO BE POLITE BUT IT WAS OBVIOUS WHAT YOU WERE DOING.  
DAVE AND I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR LIKE TEN FUCKING MINUTES JESUS CHRIST.  
SO PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON AND COME HELP US. WE HAVE GROCERIES TO PUT AWAY!  
Oh, fuck.  
Karkat  
YES, THAT MUCH WAS CLEAR FROM THE SOUNDS  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to read an expanded, extremely-NSFW version of this scene, consider reading [In This Moment, Gently Frozen](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24335056)!


	8. Define "Relationship"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MOBILE USERS: If the side-by-side chat logs appear mashed together, put your screen in landscape mode!

Dave (@turntechGodhead)  
  
I SWEAR TO GOD DAVE THEY WERE FUCKING  
IN OUR LIVING ROOM  
ON OUR COUCH  
WHERE WE SIT  
ALL THREE OF THEM  
Dave  
can't we just spray up some lysol or some shit? You know, fabreeze that motherfucker down a little  
yo you gon' act like we ain't done the dirty-flirty on the damn couch?  
I didn't know you were ashamed of me like that, Karkles!  
THAT ISN'T THE POINT!  
DAVE!  
THEY WERE FUCKING!  
ON OUR COUCH!  
THE COUCH THAT WE USE!  


The Garden Club (@tentacleTherapist, @GardenGnostic, @GrimAuxilliatrix)  
  
I'm embarassed and I'm going to die  
Rose  
We may've gotten a little bit carried away toward the end, but I still think that Karkat was overreacting.  
At least Dave seemed to take it well in stride.  
Kanaya  
Rose He Laughed For Thirty Seconds Solid  
Claimed He "Knew It All Along"  
And Then Insisted You Give Him The Most Uncomfortable High Five I Have Ever Seen  
Either You Are Being Overly Charitable Toward Your Brother  
Or We Are Resorting To Extremely Non Standard Definitions Of Words Now  
Oh god I'm so embarassed and I'm literally going to die  
Why'd we all do that?  
What the hell was I thinking?!  
Kanaya  
We Are All Adults Who Made Our Own Decisions  
And It So Happens That This Decision Was To Engage In Sexual Intercourse  
On Dave And Karkat's Couch  
Rose  
Several times  
I'm embarassed and I'm going to die  


* * *

Dave (@turntechGodhead)  
  
OKAY WHAT DO WE DO NOW THOUGH?  
THEY DIDN'T REALLY SAY ANYTHING.  
ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL ANYONE?  
Dave  
how the hell are you planning on working that into casual conversation?  
yo, I just peeped my sis and two friends totally heading down to the bone zone on my couch!  
just a quick f-y-to the-i for ya! How about them sports?  
THAT DOES SOUND PRETTY FUCKING STUPID WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY  
BUT LIKE DO WE JUST PRETEND NOTHING HAPPENED?  
SHOULD WE ASK IF THEY NEED ANYTHING FROM US?  
Dave  
more couch space, maybe?  
OH GOD FUCK YOU  


The Garden Club (@tentacleTherapist, @GardenGnostic, @GrimAuxilliatrix)  
  
So what ARE we then? What are you two to me?  
Do I have girlfriends now?  
Rose  
What do you want us to be?  
Kanaya and I talked about this, so we should talk to you about it too.  
This doesn't have to be anything if you don't want it to. It can be a one-time thing if you want. We're both okay with that.  
But also it doesn't have to be a one-time thing either, if that's not what you want.  
Kanaya  
We Are Eminently Flexible After All  
Now That I Typed That I Realize The Innuendo Of My Statement  
I Assure You That This Was Not Originally Implied  
But Yes Rose And I Have Discussed Our Own Comfort Levels And Are Both Feeling Quite Adventurous As Far As The General Trajectory Of Our Relationship Goes  
A relationship?  
I guess I never really thought about that part of it.  
I got really caught up in thinking about what it would be like that I never really stopped to think what would happen next!  
I guess that makes me kinda silly, doesn't it?  


* * *

Dave (@turntechGodhead)  
  
Dave  
yo seriously - this isn't our call to make!  
Like we can't go telling other people this shit!  
That would be a mad uncool violation of the trust that's been placed in us by virtue of what we witnessed with our own ears  
GAH! I KNOW THAT  
I'M JUST NOT GOOD AT DEALING WITH ALL THIS KIND OF STUFF!  
AT LEAST KANAYA KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK SHE'S DOING, KIND OF  
AND ROSE IS SMART  
BUT JADE SEEMS REALLY UNSURE OF HERSELF  
WHAT IF SHE GETS HURT?  
WHAT IF SHE ENDS UP WITH A SECRET LOVE CHILD AND IS THEN FORCED TO HIDE THEM AWAY FOR FIFTEEN YEARS AND THEN ONLY BRINGS THEM UP WHEN SHE'S FORCED TO? WHAT THEN DAVE, HUH?!  
Dave  
dude, that is a REALLY specific example  
like W-T-F, broseph and the amazing technic-WTF dream coat?!  
oh shit that sounded better in my head  
WELL EXCUSE ME FOR BEING WORRIED ABOUT MY FRIENDS!  
Dave  
Rose knows her shit, dude  
and she n Kanaya are like, the most stable couple ever  
probably the best case scenario possible  


The Garden Club (@tentacleTherapist, @GardenGnostic, @GrimAuxilliatrix)  
  
Kanaya  
If I May Interject  
I Do Not Believe It Makes One Silly To Want Something  
Or Someone  
And While Your Initial Approach Was Perhaps Not Ideal We Seem To Have Corrected Course Quite Admirably  
Rose  
It's not like we're all strangers, Jade  
And it's not like I haven't thought about it at least in passing before!  
You don't have to act like you're walking on eggdshells around me  
Or Kanaya, for that matter!  
So out with it! What do you want?  
Oh god why am I still nervous about this?  
This feels harder than what we all just did!  
I guess  
I really want to keep seeing you two  
Like we already talk and we're friends and this was a lot of fun too  
It feels right, you know?  
I'm not sure I want to move in with you or anything  
...although I don't know I want to stay at Dave and Karkat's now... woof  


* * *

Pardon me, but a  _ secret love child _ – really? That seems like an extremely specific detail to throw in there. Is that, as the kids say, a “dig?”

Look, I’m not going to shit on you for setting things up the way you want.   
  
Just… not where I would’ve gone with it.   
  
But again, no shade to you and your buddy.

_ We are  _ **_not_ ** _ buddies! _

Mmm-hmm.

We are most assuredly not!

Sure. I think I’ve already made my thoughts on the two of you clear – no one needs to hear me go through all that again.

I still don’t understand why you choose to cede so much control to them. They’re basically insects underneath your feet – you could make them dance to your whims if you wanted to. You could make them do literally anything you wanted! You choose to step back and let them  _ breath _ ?! To let them explore who they are?! They’re not even real.

Just as real as me, or Calliope here. Or you, Dirk.

I’m real!

Sure you are.   
  
As the kids say – “Oof.”

* * *

June (@girlyTrickster)  
  
Do you mind if I seek some general sisterly wisdom on something?  
June  
but of course, dear sister!  
what elder wisdom can I impart on you?  
June I'm 8 months older than you!  
June  
that's just details!  
Okay, so - and please do not freak out or get weird about this  
I maye have started a relationship with Rose and Kanaya  
It wasn't my original plan but I'm here now and I actually really like this and I don't want to fuck things up  
So tell me - how does your thing with Roxy and Callie work exactly?  
None of you live together - how does everything, y'know, _work?_  
June  
wait back up a minute  
you're just gonna skim over that you're in a relationship with Rose AND Kanaya?! Like, AT THE SAME TIME?!  
yes  
June  
:B  
Are you by anychance going "Eeeeeeee" right now?!  
June  
maybe  


The Garden Club (@tentacleTherapist, @GardenGnostic, @GrimAuxilliatrix)  
  
I think I'm gonna ask June if I can move in with her.  
She'd be cool with this whole thing and I kinda don't want to be alone.  
Kanaya  
If You Do Change Your Mind In The Future We Would Be Happy To Have You Stay With Us  
For As Long As You Need Or Desire  
Thanks, Kanaya - that means a lot to me  
But I kinda do want my own space too, and I know June will be low-key.  
Sorry, that's not supposed to be an attack  
Rose  
It's fine to want to define your own boundaries.  
Us being lovers or girlfriends or whatever you want to call this doesn't mean we can't all have our own identities.  
That would be intensely unhealthy on so many levels!  
Yeah!  
But I can come over to stay the night if I want, right? I mean  
You know  
If I felt lonely or something?  
Rose  
Of course!  
Kanaya  
We Would Be More Than Happy To Have You  
That Time The Innuendo Was On Purpose  


* * *

June (@girlyTrickster)  
  
Okay, I'm glad you approve of our situation  
Although I'd appreciate you maybe not just tell everyone about it  
June  
sure thing - my lips are sealed!  
But I had a more general question regarding some slight awkwardness that came up  
I'll spare you the details but suffice to say I maybe feel a bit like I made Dave and Karkat feel a little bit uncomfortable  
I was wondering if I could move in with you, maybe?  
June  
Of course! We can make you a little extension to the house whenever you want!  
How'd you make _those two_ feel uncomfortable?  
Have sex on their couch? lol  
Yeah ha ha ha  
That's so funny and unrealistic we should definitely not pursue that line of inquiry anymore at all ever!  


The Garden Club (@tentacleTherapist, @GardenGnostic, @GrimAuxilliatrix)  
  
Okay, June's okay with me staying with her.  
Actually she seems really excited by the whole thing.  
Rose  
That doesn't really surprise me very much. I'm glad though.  
And you're both okay with me staying over whenever?  
Kanaya  
Yes That Actually Sounds Delightful  
And you're both also okay with  
All of this - in general?  
Our whole relationship? I mean, whatever it turns into?  
Rose  
Absolutely!  
Kanaya  
I Have A Number Of Rather Salacious Thoughts Regarding That Matter  
Best Brought Up In A Time And Place They Can Be Acted Upon Properly  
Also Yes  
As A General Statement Of Support  


* * *

There’s no sense of drama here!

Is that what you’re about, then? Just making things dramatic and horrible for its own sake?

Well, if there’s no  _ conflict _ then no one will care about the story!

You do realize that there are other frameworks for storytelling? Especially when examining storytelling styles that fall outside of the traditional three-act structure.   
  
My intent is to have a story driven by expanding character relationships – the reader continues to be engaged because they want to see what happens next.   
  
In particular, I tend to use a rising-falling-rising style - build up to a critical event based in a character conflict, resolve that, then build to a gradual resolution that reveals aspects of the characters.

Isn’t that  _ boring _ ?

I don’t find it boring. So, by extension, at least some of my readers won’t find it boring.   
  
I’m literally doing this for free.

* * *

June (@girlyTrickster)  
  
June, can I ask you another kinda-weird question?  
June  
uh... yeah? how weird are we talking here?  
secret baby weird or just normal weird?  
Is it strange that I think I'm falling in love with them?  
Like, this all just started and I already feel like it makes sense for me. And I think they both feel the same way about it - just from the stuff they say and do.  
I don't want to make it look like I'm just desperate or lonely.  
June  
that doesn't sound weird to me at all  
you've known Rose for a long time and you've known Kanaya for a few years now!  
you're allowed to have feelings, Jade  
  


Jade closed the pesterMessage window and wiped the tears from her eyes. There was a smile on her face, and for the first time in a long time, her heart felt light.

The Garden Club (@tentacleTherapist, @GardenGnostic, @GrimAuxilliatrix)  
  
Is it okay if I say something that might sound kinda...  
Maybe really stupid and silly  
Rose  
What in your experiences with our general group of friends and found family makes you think anyone would have any issue with a little silliness and stupidity?  
Kanaya  
Rose Likes The Human Sarcasm A Lot Obviously  
But Yes Sincerely Speaking That Would Be Fine I Am Sure  
Please don't take this wrong or get weirded out but  
I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you  
Both of you  
So... yay feelings!  
Rose  
While this is probably a discussion best taken to a forum where things like body language and tone can be included so as to properly express emotional depth...  
Speaking for myself  
I think I'm feeling the same way, at least a little bit.  
Kanaya  
I Will Admit That My Own Feelings Are Somewhat Complicated On This Matter  
I Do Not Like To Ascribe Such An Emotion Readily To My Own Feelings  
Understand That This Is My Own "Hang Up" And Nothing To Do With You Or Anything You Directly Control  
But Please Do Not Misunderstand Me  
I Can Absolutely See Myself Moving In That Direction With Time And Already Regard You With Feelings That Are Considerably More Layered Than Simple Human Lust  
Rose  
She means "yes, but it'll take some time for me to fully express it"  
Kanaya  
That Is Essentially Accurate  


Still tearful from before, Jade set the phone down and began to cry in earnest. It wasn't the kind of crying precipitated by sadness or despair, but rather the unspooling of long-suppressed emotions and a desire for intimacy that had gone painfully unfulfilled for so long.

If anything, Jade Harley finally felt more like _herself_ than she had at any previous point in her life.


	9. Moving Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all my readers! Hope you enjoyed this work! I've got LOTS of other stuff if you want to check it out!

“Why’d Karkat keep making such a big deal about you taking this couch, anyway? He does know we can just alchemize another one, right? It’s not like you just need this  _ one specific couch _ all of a sudden.” June’s voice was a tapestry of confused amusement – Jade avoided saying anything.

“Right?” June asked. “It’s just a random couch, right?”

Jade laughed. “Yeah – Karkat’s just being weird.”

June wasn’t entirely sure that “Karkat’s just being weird” quite answered her doubts about the matter, but she wasn’t going to press the issue any further.

“It’s just,” June started – okay, maybe she was going to press the issue  _ just a little bit _ . “Like when he let me use his picnic blanket that one time and then I ended up getting sick and throwing up on it. And even after he washed it, he insisted that I keep it. And I’m just wondering, what could’ve happened that he’d insist you take an entire couch?”

June laughed – it was probably a crazy story.

“Did  _ you _ throw up too? Oh man, that must’ve been something to clean up.”

“Yeah,” Jade said, “it was definitely  _ something _ all right.”

Pausing for a minute, Jade concentrated on the couch in the middle of the living room. As June watched, it shrank down until it was the size of doll furniture.

June tossed the now-miniaturized couch up in the air and caught it – having a space player for a sister sure was awesome when it came to moving furniture around!

“June?” Jade’s voice was a little bit smaller – more thoughtful. June turned to look at her.

“You ever wonder about how things could’ve been  _ different _ , you know?”

June wasn’t entirely sure she  _ did _ know. Apparently, that feeling was conveyed by her expression clearly enough that Jade picked up on it.

“I mean, sure – I guess?” June shrugged. “In what way though – like, can’t everything always have been different? That’s just how life is.”

Jade turned her powers to a pile of boxes in the corner of the living room, reducing each one in size until they all fit neatly into a small basket she’d brought along for the trask.

“I mean that things could’ve been fundamentally different. With small changes – do you ever just  _ think _ about that?”

It wasn’t something that June thought about much. There was a moment, months before, when it had seemed like something like that was going to happen. A kind of fundamental shift in reality. But then she’d thrown up all over Karkat’s blanket and spent the next day in bed with Roxy and Callie both fussing over her. She’d been fine – just something that didn’t quite agree with her stomach. But since then.

“I don’t know, Jade,” June shrugged again. “It’s like – this is how things  _ are _ regardless. It’s kind of like when I used my powers – things just  _ were _ the way they were. And I was the only one who knew any differently.”

* * *

This is so absurdly banal and I absolutely hate everything about it. What’s driving these people? What’s pushing them to achieve their truest selves?

Wait, do you mean the truest selves that’re trapped inside a robot due to their increasing dissociation from reality or the truest selves that’re genocidal fascists?

Oh go fuck off.

I’m disappointed – weren’t you going to respond with a wall of nearly-incomprehensible gibberish that reads like it was cribbed from a random collection of philosophy 101 textbooks?

* * *

“I guess you’re right,” Jade said, her voice sounding a little bit uncertain. “I still get those flashes from time-to-time – seeing things that don’t feel like I necessarily should be seeing them. Like I’m connected to something bigger than this world.”

“Does that bother you?” June bent over to grab the basket full of boxes for Jade. “I mean, is it something you’d rather not deal with?”

It was Jade’s turn to shrug. “I don’t think so. It’s so… fleeting. And Kanaya and Rose are helping. I feel more grounded. Does that make sense?”

“Sure,” June grinned at her sister. “As much as anything else!”

* * *

I still think she should’ve made a choice. What she did was a cop-out.

She  _ did _ make a choice. Choosing not to decide between a binary is still making a choice. You think it’s a coincidence that the trans woman gets to avoid suffering only by rejecting a  _ binary _ presented to her?

You’re being very on-the-nose.

I know.

I still think this is all a bunch of shit. You just kind of declared that June Egbert exists in the first place and now what? The stakes are just  _ gone?! _

So you want me to dig into the metaphysical justification for a character’s gender? Inside of a novella-length work? Seriously?

How is any of this supposed to be believable?!

Says the man who wants to have his narrative cake and eat it too. Suspension of disbelief called – it wanted to tell you to go fuck yourself.

Now who’s being childish?

In this case? Me.   
  
In most other cases? You two.

* * *

As they were walking toward the door, Dave and Karkat came in from around the corner. June got the sneaking suspicion that they had been waiting around that corner specifically to say goodbye to Jade.

Dave walked over and hugged Jade tight.

“Take care of my sis, okay?” Dave said – June saw her nod and smile at him. When Dave let Jade go, June could see tears in her eyes.

“Hey,” Dave looked up at her. “It’s cool! You’re just moving to June’s is all! I just couldn’t think of what else to say that sounded better than  _ yo we’ll see you for movie night tomorrow _ .”

Jade grinned. “Thanks!”

Karkat stood in front of Jade and looked down at the ground.

“Kanaya’s my friend,” he said tersely. “Please make sure she’s taking care of herself. I’m doing the thing Dave just did.”

Jade grinned and leaned forward to hug Karkat. He made a face but let her hug him, briefly.

“Thanks for the couch, Karkat!” Jade said.

June saw Karkat’s face turn a little bit red – she looked at him closely.

“What’s with the couch thing, Karkat?” June asked. She was genuinely curious now about what this whole couch mystery was about. Surely there must be some big, probably-entertaining story behind the  _ couch thing _ !

“Don’t worry about it,” Karkat muttered. “It’s nothing.”

“Oh.” June felt a disappointment growing in her gut. She  _ really _ wanted to know what the couch thing was about now. Maybe some other time.

Rose (@tentacleTherapist)  
  
Are you both ready to do the thing at my place?  
Rose  
Yes, we have made the appropriate preparations already.  
I take it you're both on your way?  
Yep!  
Oh, Rose, can you tell me something  
Karkat seemed to have this weird thing going on about his old couch and he gave it to Jade. What's that about? So weird, right?  
Rose  
Yep. Definitely the weirdest.  
I have no idea what that was about.  
None whatsoever.  
Probably just Karkat being weird.  
  


June put away her phone and shook her head. That Karkat!

* * *

June’s house wasn’t actually very far away from where Dave and Karkat lived – it only took about ten minutes to fly between the two. The siblings set down right by the door and June fished into a pocket to get her keys.

“Oh yeah!” She remembered just in time – reaching out, she handed Jade a silver key. “And here’s yours! I mean… it’s kinda pointless but I think it’s a nice little tradition. Shows you’re a part of the household!”

Jade was grinning at her and her eyes were a little bit watery. “Thank you, June! This means a lot to me!”

“I would say,  _ give it a try _ but I don’t actually lock the door, so…” she trailed off and motioned to Jade. “But why don’t you do us the honor of opening the door!”

June stood back a little bit and braced herself – she was just about vibrating from excitement.

Jade opened the door and stepped inside.

From inside the house, two women called out “welcome home!”

And June saw Jade drop her things and run in to gather Rose and Kanaya up in her arms. June hung back, in the doorway, and watched the scene unfold. Jade was kissing both of them in turn and holding them close. They were adorable together, and June was happy for her sister. She was someone whose life had been so frequently defined by an almost-paralyzing loneliness, and it was nice to see her so happy.

Sometimes a decision is an active process – a definitive course of action that cuts across and makes bold changes. Sometimes it’s a subtle thing – minor adjustments and course corrections that have their impact in the cumulative rather than the acute.

And sometimes a decision is simply choosing to step back and let events unfold. To let the people affected choose for themselves, and find what happiness they can – in a world that is often cold, and cruel, and indifferent.

June watched her sister and the two women who loved her talk excitedly about their plans for the day. About how they were going to unpack and move everything into the space that they were constructing for Jade. About other stuff that was whispered more than spoken and June was glad she couldn’t hear because it felt private and she didn’t want to intrude on that.

June watched all of this, and in her deepest heart, she felt...

Like I made the right decision.


End file.
